toast

sea of toast

In the comments section of my last post, my Montreal friend and yours, Helvetica, she of the sharp descenders and pleasing x-height,* thought that Volcano's tagline - The Coast is Toast - referred to the impending invasion of Los Angeles by an army of R0Vaf48 ToastAmblers, marching machines recently quit of their suburban owners, coming to the City of Angels to offer so much toast that, ultimately, the coast is buried in browned bread.

In the streets, heaps of toast, drifting against doorways, spilling out onto the boulevards. Goodbye Wiltshire, so long Mulholland. All the airbuses at LAX grounded, unable to accelerate into the toast sea. Goddamn that's a lot of toast.

I only bring up the nightmarish scenario because it has come one step closer to its toasty realization. Here's the prototype of LA's ultimate undoing:

Note the classic robot legs.

*These are typographical terms and not meant to be smutty or nothing.

iToast spam

Friends, I'd say if I were an idiot writing to spambots, I have news. I have pharmacy news. I have ph aErmacy news. I have chiw3tel ebiogl0r news. I have good news for all of you about laJij36 and its exciting benefits.

And maybe I am writing emails like that, because the spambots have been squishing my inbox with subject lines like Re: laJij36 news. Maybe they're hope that I'm scanning my messages so quickly that I'll be taken in by the Re: and just click away on the Snow Crash virus waiting to be unleashed. Or maybe they're hoping to get incredibly lucky by finding that one person out of a billion who really has been trying get the news out about pha Harmseay.

Today I received my favourite yet, from one Alex Matamoros: Re: roVaf48 news. That's right, Alex. I sent you an email with all the latest news on RoVaf48 - the robotic toaster oven that walks from room to room! With smart circuits and built-in sensors that can predict when your need for toast will strike, the roVaf48 ToastAmbler will arrive with crispy toast or bagels ready for your homestyle snack attack! You can set it to come with a clap or just have it walk around the house, with fresh toast ever on the ready. Model 48-AZ features a rechargeable battery, removable bagel slicer and iTunes pre-loaded.