handy new FAQ

Owing to the volumes of mail I get every day, some by post, some by e-, some by dragon, I’ve decided to put up an FAQ. But since it’s depressing for me to go through the questions and retype them, I’m just posting the answers. I’m sure that you questioners out there can pair up your question socket with my answer plug and create a current out of that.

    1. Frequently.

    2. No, she is not.

    3. Grothnar, The Dragon Beyond Time.

    4. Asbestos pants.

    5. Like an acorn with feet, actually.

    6. If I had ideas I’d be a successful novelist.

    7. Still like an acorn with feet, sorry.

    8. Jesus.

    9. Good question. He’s not really a big lizard or anything but a sapphire monster encircling the outer membrane of the universe. His incursions into realspace are difficult for humans to perceive, but in general his presence is responsible for all anxiety and some fellatio.

    10. A sprig of mistletoe. It doesn’t sound too nasty to me, but mistletoe is poisonous, and anyway I’m not a Norse god.

    11. Phobos, Deimos and Hidden Charlie.

    12. By dint of a shiv inserted carefully beneath the dermis.

    13. I remember polders and genever but not much else.

    14. Money.

new service: Ask Palinode

From what I can gather, human knowledge is incomplete. Therefore you have questions. Questions of all possible kinds, from the moot to the grand, profane to profound, personal to not personal. A sample question may be, What up? or Why did Wanda Mosher dump you in the ninth grade? or What was the chief result of the Diet of Worms? Whatever your question, I will answer it.


Are you saying that you will answer absolutely any question put to you, no matter how inane, as long as the question is in English, and even then you will do your best to provide an answer?
I am not saying. I am writing. But yes.

Why are you doing this?
For the betterment of humankind, so that they may not toil in darkness, but may know more stuff than they did before they asked me.

Will you provide diagrams, technical illustrations or doodles?
Fuck yeah! If I feel like it.

Can you draw?
No. But it's all in the journey.

What is the correct format for asking questions?
Send an email to the following address:

askpalinode at gmail dot com.

What's the turnaround time for answers?
Generally I'll try and get around to it within 24 hours within 7 days whenever.

Where will the answers be posted?
Here. I may generate a spin-off site if the response is good enough.

How many questions can one person ask?
As many as you can think of. A ton of questions all at once will result in shorter answers, though.

Will your answers prove accurate, as they say?
I doubt it.