A few things to say about Green Room, the movie that nearly made me throw up with tension and traumatized my spouse

Hello, I'm the official movie reviewer of Palinode's Palace. I am kept in a small hatch underneath the stables. Every so often someone walking by will describe the plot of a movie, and I write about the movie as if I've seen it. This is why the words Content Specialist appear on my business card.

Green Room, Jeremy Saulnier's latest nasty piece of work, features people getting stabbed in the head, assaulted and de-throated by dogs, slashed with machetes or kukris or whatever, blasted with fire extinguishers, pistoled, shotgunned, broke-limbed and so on. Every single character in Green Room ends up with unwanted new holes in their bodies before the film ends, and I can only assume that the many extras and walk-on parts were rounded up offscreen and dropped into a pit of hellfire.

Worse than the violence, though, is the tension, a dimly felt tug as the characters move into place that slowly ratchets up until everyone, including the viewer, suffers on a rack of Saulnier's unflinching design. The denouement, blessedly short and bleak, barely lets up the pressure before the screen cuts to black and the audience, which contained me and my spouse Elan, are allowed to snap back to the everyday world.

Elan nearly left halfway through. I nearly threw up at one point. We went to a book store and Elan squeezed or stroked everything in the gift section until she was able to calm down.