important safety instructions

Keep your hands inside the fridge at all times. 

Avoid teeth. Even your own. Especially your own.

Sit down until it goes away. If it comes back, keep sitting, but try to sit more, if you take my meaning.

If you spot loose change on the sidewalk, check for cameras. Cameras are more valuable than loose change.

In all endeavours, try doing it the right way first. If the right way does not work, try the wrong way. If the wrong way doesn’t work, contact an electrician. They’re frequently very sexy.

Do not attempt to open your eyes in mid-sneeze. If you do, you may see the Presence. Most humans do not return from a Sighting.

Only put bling on your thing if the thing in question is your heart outside your chest as the result of congenital deformation.

There is no such thing as government-issued nunchuks. Taylor and Kyle are screwing with you.

Under no circumstances listen to Taylor or Kyle, but when you hang out with them it is crucial that you stop hitting yourself.