Big Lemons (Everyone Likes)


[Early evening. The quiet caesura between Community and 30 Rock. Palinode is brutalizing lemons on the coffee table. Schmutzie sits, dreaming of eventual lemon curd.]

Palinode: 3/4 cup of lemon juice. The recipe said that four lemons would produce one cup of lemon juice. 

Palinode: This recipe lied to us.

Schmutzie: Maybe the writer has really big lemons.

Palinode: Maybe the writer’s an asshole.

Schmutzie: Maybe the writer is an asshole with really big lemons.

Palinode: Big-lemoned assholes are ruining the nation’s desserts.