The Facts

cat and boots

[Cold open. Palinode and Schmutzie in a moment of evening silence. She nudges pixels around on one couch, he reads on the other couch. The dwindling light outside holds the threat of snow.]

Palinode: I have the karaoke version of Ke$ha’s “We R Who We R” now.

Schmutzie: What?

Palinode: I said, I have -

Schmutzie: I know what you said. I just don’t understand.

Palinode: Really? It was a pretty straightforward sentence. No subordinate clauses, nothing.

Schmutzie: It’s just weird for you to say it.

Palinode: Why? I just said a fact. I have a karaoke version of a Ke$ha tune.

Schmutzie: It’s weird because we weren’t talking about Ke$ha. We don’t listen to her music. We don’t sing karaoke. And it’s got nothing to do with anything else you’ve said today.


Palinode: You see, you just said four facts. But I don’t go around saying that’s it weird when you say facts.

Schmutzie: Why are you doing this?

Palinode: I wanted to say a fact.

Schmutzie: No, I mean why are you doing this to me?

Palinode: Because you’re my loving wife. And one of the cats peed in your shoe, so good luck going anywhere.