It’s Thursday! That means that the web is all a-shake with Palinode. Today we’ve got two pieces from MamaPop, a piece on restaurant web sites I wrote for prairie dog magazine, and a long-delayed favourite of mine: Parking Lot Reviews. Forward on, not back, no sir.
Granted, there’s no deal in the works to remake Rashomon in particular. But! Splendent Media of Los Angeles is representing the worldwide (outside of Japan) remake rights to 69 Kurosawa films. That includes 19 unproduced scripts and a number of titles that he wrote but did not direct. So yes—over the next ten years, we’re going to see more than a few mediocre films riding in on the armored horse of Kurosawa’s prestige. But even the gaudiest horse will still shit in your driveway and eat your flowers if you’re not paying attention.
Recently, a feature in ELLE Decor Magazine highlighted the ten things that Gwyneth Paltrow absolutely, positively cannot live without. Those things were, in case you’ve forgotten: hand-painted wallpaper; casually arranged flowers; photography that brings ‘a sense of majesty’ to her room; star-shaped crystal lanterns; a bathtub in her bedroom; custom-cut religious bookshelves; clothbound Penguin Classic books (yay!); a retro mobile phone handset.
Aside from the books – which actually are essential to living – this is the most sybaritic, entitled pile of soul-baggage ever gathered together in one gleaming pile. I suppose it would be nice to admire your hand-painted wallpaper and Darren Almond photographs from the comfort of your bedroom bathtub, but I’d like to take this opportunity to remind Paltrow of the things in this life she actually cannot live without.
My criteria for evaluating restaurant websites are simple: How easy is it to make a reservation or find the phone number? Do I have to sit through Flash pages that look pretty but take ages to load? Will I end up searching for the tiny button that shuts off your annoying restaurant theme song? Are they configured for mobiles, so I can place my order when I’m hang gliding and I have a powerful urge for a BLT in mid-air? For variety, let’s take a local bistro, a chain restaurant and a take-out place and see what we’ve got.
Directly across the alley from the former Shoppers Drug Mart lot, a heap of Impark-owned dirt rises indifferently from the ground, a red gravel midden-mound of tire tracks and weed clumps. Unpaved and ungated, this lot barely acknowledges the objects that roll over and rest on its surface. Electrical poles sprout up at regular intervals, bright red ‘reserved’ markers spreading out on either side like totem wings or grave markers. Centuries from now, archaeologists will mistake this parking lot for a wartime cemetery. They’ll dig and dig for the remains of our glorious dead, only to conclude that the people of the early 21st century were either very small or invisible. Holy cow, the archaeologists of the future are morons.