Palinode: What do you want for supper then?
Schmutzie: I don’t know. I don’t want any fat or calories. I just want a big salad.
Palinode: Our fridge is all out of vegetables.
Schmutzie: I blame Elaine Benes for the whole big salad thing.
Palinode: You know that Elaine Benes is a fictional character.
Palinode: You can’t blame someone who doesn’t really exist.
Schmutzie: She exists.
Palinode: Only in your mind.
Schmutzie: She was written down and performed. She exists in a lot of minds. That makes her more real.
Palinode: She doesn’t exist in my mind.
Schmutzie: You called her ‘she’. How did you know that if she doesn’t exist in your mind?
Palinode: Well duh, Elaine is a girl’s name.
Schmutzie: I imagine watching Seinfeld must be difficult for you.
Palinode: Completely. Who are Jerry and George always talking to?
Schmutzie: You’re like, Why are they always sitting on the same side of the table?
Palinode: Yeah. Are they gay? That doesn’t seem part of the subtext to me.
Schmutzie: And you wonder why are there all those scenes with people walking into an empty office and talking to the desk?
Palinode: You know, I always thought that show would make a lot more sense if you inserted a character named Elaine into most of the scenes.
Schmutzie: There is.
Palinode: Not in my mind.