many words, no punchlines, all free

Part I: dialogue

Night. Palinode and Schmutzie supine, blanketed.

Schmutzie: It was nice to see Blair today.

Palinode: I didn't recognize any of the people she was with.

Schmutzie: Anna was sitting next to her.

Palinode: Who's Anna?

Schmutzie: The one with the black bobbed hair.

Palinode: Um...

Schmutzie: The one sitting next to Blair?

Palinode: Wait - is that, uh...

Schmutzie: What?

Palinode: Is she the one with the um, the, you know...

Schmutzie: The what?

Palinode: You know, the one with the knife sticking out of her forehead?

Schmutzie: What? No.

Palinode: Because -

Schmutzie: No.

Palinode: I'm pretty sure -

Schmutzie: Anna does not have a knife sticking out of her forehead.

Palinode: Sure, she's the one going around all la-dee-da, look-at-me, I'm-so-emo-stylish, but really she's got a knife sticking out of her forehead.

Schmutzie: I don't think so.

Palinode: And it ruins the effect.

Schmutzie: Sure. Why not.

Palinode: She makes like it's not there but she even has to part her hair around it.


Palinode: Hey. Wake up.

Schmutzie: Wha?

Palinode: Who was the girl sitting directly across from Blair?

Schmutzie: I think that was Cara.

Palinode: The one with the meat hook in her leg?

Schmutzie: Silence.

Palinode: Because that must hurt.

Schmutzie: Silence.

Palinode: A meat hook in the leg must hurt.

Schmutzie: You woke me up just to say 'meat hook in the leg,' didn't you?

Palinode: No, I woke you up for sex.

Schmutzie: And you thought the phrase 'meat hook in the leg' was a good way to get it?

Palinode: I'm oblique.

Part II: monologue

Day. Kitchen. Palinode eating rice crackers, Schmutzie adjacent.

Schmutzie: What are you doing?

Palinode: Mmph.

Schmutzie: What are you doing? What is that smell? It's corn. You smell like corn. You do. OH MY GOD you smell like corn. It's true. Really.

Palinode: Mmph.

Schmutzie: What are you eating? YOU REALLY SMELL LIKE CORN. What the hell are those? (grabs package) RICE CRACKERS? YOU SMELL LIKE CORN. WHAT'S GOING ON?

Palinode: I dunno.

Schmutzie: Go on. Go into the living room. YOU SMELL LIKE CORN. I CAN'T TAKE IT.

This went on for a bit. Apparently I smelled like corn.

Update: When I thought that Anna had a knife in her forehead, I was clearly confusing her with this here item. I'm sorry, Anna.