Top Ten Bug Fixes

Stick insects have been tweaked to look even more like sticks. Also, they are now literally sticky. Probably our most requested fix? The Analytics team has been tasked with reviewing the poll results.

Ladybugs, in response to numerous complaints that they are insufficiently ‘ladylike’, now have pink bows around the thorax, lipstick (three shades) and boobs. Similar fixes are being reviewed for damselflies.

Butterflies are producing small quantities of butter. Further fixes will address the issue of quantity, with an eye to marketing the product within the next five years.

The dung beetle has been discontinued.

Praying mantises will continue to pray for the foreseeable future, pending a focus group survey report due next quarter. Tiny tophats and monocles are being released to a test sample of the mantis population; we’ll keep everyone updated on how that plays.

Meanwhile, Executive has kiboshed Media Integration’s suggestion of calling female mantises ‘womantises.’

With the increasing popularity of legalized medical and recreational marijuana, the proposed rebranding of the grasshopper has been tabled. In addition, the tobacco beetle is now the blunt beetle. The clock has stopped at 4:20, folks, and we all have to get with the times.

Despite our best efforts, R&D has been unable to make dragonflies actually breathe fire. All species will, however, have flames painted along the abdomen. Online and Social claims this is bitchin’.

The Assassin Bug, Womantis and Scorpion Fly will launch a ‘shared universe’ movie franchise starting in June 2016. I guess ‘womantis’ is going ahead then? Nice to be kept in the loop.

No more larvae. Just - yech.