Thirty Days of Truth: Day 1

Oh yes. I've signed on with various pals to blog out thirty days of truth. We're tackling truth on Mondays and Wednesdays, so the thirty days are going to be spread out over fifteen weeks (Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays will still be given over to mendacity). Which means that we will be well into the hard ground of February before we've tilled all the expectant truths from this project. Some of these will be great fun. Others will not. Day 1 is an example of what will not be fun. But it's best to try the bitter before the sweet, and see how it goes:

Day 1: Something I Hate About Myself

Well, what day is it? Because there are days when every atom I cart around is brimming with a nauseating acid, a thin ugly mixture of my disgust. But there are more tempered and temperate days when I enjoy a few things about myself - the texture and shade of my skin, the silver hairs that have gradually sprouted in place of the red in my beard, or maybe my taste in clothes. But it's not a physical trait or habit of character that I dislike about myself so much as it is the entire web of my consciousness. It goes everywhere and yet seems blunted or burnt off at the same time, as if I'm just intelligent enough to understand my limits and not nearly wise enough to derive satisfaction from my talents.

It's important to distinguish my generalized unhappiness right now, which springs from being in a transitional period at a point in my life when I'm about take a seat in the antechamber of middle age, from my dislike of my limits. That dislike corrodes my ease, pits me and leaves me shot through with holes. People can see it, that corrosion, or I imagine they can, and it makes me feel inauthentic and ridiculous.

Now that I reread this, I'm not sure how truthful it is. I think I've managed to erase what I'm saying as I say it, cover it up with the very words intended to unearth a truth. I do not like that I feel stupid or unable to measure up sometimes. It seems completely out of place with everything I know about myself. I can not possibly be true. And yet I believe it. And maybe that's the thing I hate.

That's really all that I can say. Day 1.

***

Following are the writing prompts for 30 Days of Truth, should you be interested in doing so yourself.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself