Five questions

Facebook users: if you can't see the embedded video, head over to my website at http://www.thepalinode.com. I promise you an extravaganza of unedited footage.

Onlyaman at onlyaman.net challenged me to answer five questions from our ravening horde of Twitter followers. In a few minutes, the video will be up. Any moment now.

Any goddamn moment.

Stupid video.

STUPID UPDATE:
Vimeo is making me wait for 30 minutes before they'll deign to convert my video. Vimeo make Palinode angry, defeated, aroused.

HERE IT IS! Note that I've shot the whole thing in front of a shelf of books, because as we all know, books belong to the smart and the witty, and I belong to these books.

But I have a greater question. Why did no one tell me I talked like this? I'm chewing on my esses like they're a pinch of Copenhagen. I only hope you can make out the answers. Watch this one, then head over to onlyaman's answers and vote on your favourite! Comment away!

Five Questions from palinode on Vimeo.

For the sake of reference, here are the questions:

@rontheunicorn asked: what's up? (that's my question :D)

@SarcasticMomLC asked: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

@LisaUnfiltered asked: Why are monkeys so cute?

@kristeneileen asked: Why is there air?

@poobou asked: What is the purpose of snot? (I have a cold, and I'm very angry about this.)

@SirCorduroy asked: A question on international relations for u: If I go to Europe and punch a Frenchman, will it show on my police record over here?

500000 point question:

@theBitchinWife My question is this: If I made it absolutely clear that the winner of a contest is going to be picked subjectively, am I obligated in any way to pick a winner based on participation level or effort put in? I think I should be able to pick whomever I want to win guilt-free, but am feeling guilty because there are several people that I *want* to win. Tangentially, is it bending the rules to use a random number calculator to decide the winner among my favorites if I did, indeed, say the winner would be chosen 100% subjectively? Oy, my head hurts!