Five questions
Sunday, August 2, 2009 at 8:58PM Facebook users: if you can't see the embedded video, head over to my website at http://www.thepalinode.com. I promise you an extravaganza of unedited footage.
Onlyaman at onlyaman.net challenged me to answer five questions from our ravening horde of Twitter followers. In a few minutes, the video will be up. Any moment now.
Any goddamn moment.
Stupid video.
STUPID UPDATE: Vimeo is making me wait for 30 minutes before they'll deign to convert my video. Vimeo make Palinode angry, defeated, aroused.
HERE IT IS! Note that I've shot the whole thing in front of a shelf of books, because as we all know, books belong to the smart and the witty, and I belong to these books.
But I have a greater question. Why did no one tell me I talked like this? I'm chewing on my esses like they're a pinch of Copenhagen. I only hope you can make out the answers. Watch this one, then head over to onlyaman's answers and vote on your favourite! Comment away!
Five Questions from palinode on Vimeo.
For the sake of reference, here are the questions:
@rontheunicorn asked: what's up? (that's my question :D)
@SarcasticMomLC asked: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
@LisaUnfiltered asked: Why are monkeys so cute?
@kristeneileen asked: Why is there air?
@poobou asked: What is the purpose of snot? (I have a cold, and I'm very angry about this.)
@SirCorduroy asked: A question on international relations for u: If I go to Europe and punch a Frenchman, will it show on my police record over here?
500000 point question:
@theBitchinWife My question is this: If I made it absolutely clear that the winner of a contest is going to be picked subjectively, am I obligated in any way to pick a winner based on participation level or effort put in? I think I should be able to pick whomever I want to win guilt-free, but am feeling guilty because there are several people that I *want* to win. Tangentially, is it bending the rules to use a random number calculator to decide the winner among my favorites if I did, indeed, say the winner would be chosen 100% subjectively? Oy, my head hurts!
questions 
Reader Comments (26)
t a n g e n t i a l l y...
I love the way you say that word.
I'm moving to Canada.
Shhhhhhh, don't tell Aman, but I think you won.
Fantastic reply - your phonetics are astounding. Can't wait for the peoples thoughts!
-Aman
My response is here - http://onlyaman.net/2009/08/02/sunday-5-questions-special-edition-featuring-the-palinode/
:-)
At the end there I thought you were leaning forward to kiss me. Le sigh.
PS: You funny.
You win!
no fair :-( you have the internet on your side? ;-)
You're right. Monkeys are NOT cute. But they do make things funnier. Also, so do toasters.
I almost just died from choking on my tongue b/c I laughed too much.
Aside from that, though onlyaman's version was really great, I think you won.
You had me at "ovipositor."
see my comment on Aman's in response to your comment to me. :D
Wait, that was Schrodinger's experiment? Cyanide in a box? And the cat's maybe still alive?
God, physicists ARE dumb. I have always suspected this.
You made me laugh too hard with the Venutian whatever it is.
I didn't think there was anything wrong with your phonetics. I thought you were pretty spot on with the documentarian thing--you need a little blurb on the bottom that authorizes whatever you say--although it had the right tone of authority. Like 'Palinode' Author of 'Something something.'
Anyone who pulls out Schrödinger's thought experiment wins by default.
Sorry, Only Aman
Sorry, you totally lose b/c monkeys are cute. Done. End of story.
Angie - Oooooh sorry. Voting just closed? So your vote against me doesn't count? Yeahhhh.
Actually, it's true. Monkeys can be pretty damn cute.
All swallows are laden with the burden of our dreams? Ooh, poor swallows! Who knew? Actually, I suspect my cat knows...
Wow, amazing. I can only vote once? Argh.
I have to give my vote to you, sir. The monkeys comment, the reference to Schrodinger's Cat, and your deft handling of the unladen swallow question.
Though Aman's swallow answer was kinda more up my alley in a Ni-Ni-Ni kinda way.
Ooh. I really hate to comment here. It's only because I couldn't get my comment to post for Aman. Sorry. You did not measure up. I'm gonna go with Aman, because he is funny, and also has a smoking hot wife. What? That wasn't supposed to be part of the contest? Huh?
Now you have a voice!
Ugh this us tough. Aman's flowing punky style, against palinode's clever wordicisms and lush library backdrop.
This is like trying to comparing Dave Attell to Stephen Colbert. Can't really say one is better!
BUT if there has to be a winner. Aman, I love you dude - but palinode has to take this round due to his crafty use of the word 'Ovipositor', dream-laden swallows and underwater shopping malls.
Now I feel dirty... Please forgive me ;)
Sir.
Despite completely NOT answering my question, except to confirm that I do have quite a dilemma on my hands. And knowing perfectly well that I a cannot choose and not-choose the winner simultaneously.... I'm going to have to base my vote on something else entirely.
I'm a sucker for cleverness, so I have to go with Palinode (they carry the burden of our dreams? New favorite saying!). However, Aman does have the upper hand b/c he is the one who came up with this Five Question Forum. Can't I award some of my 500,000 points to both of you?
ha! That is awesome!!
Monkeys are not cute- they are ugly and throw their excrement at you.
Hilarious.
...you sound an awful lot like someone i work with...
I totally (spelled it "tootally" at first) think you won..
I believe the real purpose of air and the reason for its existence is to give monkey shit lift, enabling the primate to arc a throw, with requisite opposable thumbs, over his mate to the waiting face of a zoo patron, causing other zoo patrons to point, with requisite tucked opposable thumbs, and utter, "How cute!"