cowpeepen

Early morning or maybe late at night. The sun is up or the sun is down; who knows when the covers are pushed up in a heap over your head? Schmutzie and Palinode mumbling in bed, trying as always, like all the other people out there, to just get it right.

S: I’m nearly finished my scarf.
P: Mmm-hmm.
S: I’m thinking of putting a fringe on it.
P: Yeah, you could do that. If you wanted.

(pause)

S: What’s wrong with a fringe?
P: Nothing. It’s a great option for knitted neckwear.
S: What would you do to finish off the scarf?
P: Sew in jujubes.
S: No.
P: Yes. Jujubes make an excellent addition to any accessory.
S: Then my scarf would be all sticky.
P: Only with misuse. You could take it camping.
S: You could not.
P: There’s nothing stopping me from taking a scarf full of jujubes on a camping trip.
S: It would disintegrate in the rain.
P: You could heft an umbrella.
S: Heft?
P: The fact remains that the jujube scarf is an invaluable tool for surviving the wilderness, on account of you can eat the jujubes.
S: You’d have bears tearing down your tent to get at your scarf.
P: That’s why it’s important to wear pyjamas, so you can run in case of bear attack.
S: Pyjamas won’t help you survive in the woods.
P: These ones will. They’re made of beef jerky.
S: You’d just be extra-appetizing snack to bears. You’d be human being wrapped in beef. If you ate chicken, you’d be like a turducken for bears. You’d be a cowpeepen!
P: Everyone knows that bears are more scared of cowpeepens than cowpeepens are.