Thirteen important things to take away from Mission Implausible 3

1. Why walk to your destination when you can run, jump, swing, rappel, kick seven guys in the head and unravel a complex scheme to maintain global American supremacy to get there?

2. The success of The Matrix has really opened up that running-through-city-streets-getting-directions-on-a-cell-phone- from-a-tech-geek genre. In fact, watching MI3 has made plain to me that The Matrix pretty much legitimized the use of mobile phones as dramatic devices. Thanks to the Wachowskis, it is now permissible to extend a noisy, confusing action scene by having characters move between areas of signal coverage. Thanks for enhancing my movie going experience there.

3. It is possible to base an entire two-hour movie on the sight of Tom Cruise running, his face frozen in a rictus of athletic effort, flecks of spittle flying from his clenched grin. It may not be possible to watch that movie, but you can get it made.

4. In the spirit of promoting adventure tourism in China, Shanghai city laws now permit you to hang out the door of your vehicle and shoot out the tires of other vehicles. They also allow basejumping in the downtown core.

5. When you're planting hidden explosives, make sure to set them out in plain sight with a glowing red LED indicator. Red means "gonna explode".

6. Quick MI3 guide to covert rescue missions: a) assemble a crack team and fly them halfway around the world to an abandoned factory; b) infiltrate the factory, avoid the armed guards and eventually place yourself within five feet of the hostage you've come to rescue; c) shoot all the windows out. That's right, just shoot at everything and blow that sumbitch factory right up. Then, while every single faceless mercenary in the building wakes up and grabs his gun, haul the hostage out. It'll work. Just keep shooting.

7. You can meet, fall in love, get engaged and move in with someone, all without introducing the love of your life to any of your friends or family, or even giving them a single scrap of information about your fiance. They won't think it's weird.

8. If your wife gets kidnapped and tortured and tied to a chair in a tearoom in Shanghai, she'll forgive you for pretending to be a department of transportation employee, but only if you rescue her and then immediately make her electrocute you to save your life. There's a lot of backstory here, but the principle holds true.

9. The best way to learn how to use a gun is to have Tom Cruise scream at you.

10. Personal conversations are best conducted on rooftops.

11. Dangerous rogue agents should be gagged, restrained on a hospital cart and placed in a featureless round room just long enough to be told off. You can't move them to a cell to tell them off, you have to do it in the featureless round room. It's the rules.

12. It's possible to hang around in a depressurized airplane cabin and not, you know, die.

13. I'm guessing that when Cruise pitched this movie to Paramount, he just ran laps around the boardroom for twenty minutes at top speed, gasping out "TOM CRUISE! TOM CRUISE! ALWAYS IN MOTION! HIGH-GROSSING!" until the execs relented, terrified that Cruise was about to rap while running.