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(Lunchtime. The Palinode and The Lotus are separated by their respective cross-town offices. One of them makes the foolish decision to phone the other.)

Lotus: There was a fire at my work today.

Palinode: Are you burned beyond recognition yet?

Lotus: No. (Pause) It was in one of the apartments in the upper floors. Someone was cooking mushy peas.

Palinode: Mushy peas! Why, those are highly flammable.

Lotus: They are.

Palinode: They're highly inflammable, actually.

Lotus: Also true!

Palinode: In-cen-di-ar-y. (Pause, and then with great vigor) IN-CEN-DI-

Lotus: Yes, I get it. They catch fire.

Palinode: Explosively. Mushy peas are dangerous. In fact, the primary reason for the shift from fish-and-chip restaurants to curry houses in Britain can be attributed to a string of mushy pea explosions across the UK.

Lotus: Really?

Palinode: When I ate mushy peas with my fish and chips in Hull, everyone wore protective suits with rebreather apparatuses and I had to sign a waiver. In it I promised not to take out my rage or burnt areas on the Queen in the event of an unstable mushy pea mass going off.

Lotus: You were so brave.

Palinode: I may have won a medal over there. Or an ass-kicking.

Lotus: You certainly deserved one of those.

Comments

[Amblus]

Y'all are so weird. If by weird I mean cute.

[palinode]

Just making everybody's workday a little shorter.

[Anonymous]

I find it so refreshing that you and your spouse have the courage to post the intimate details of your relationship online in order to help deepen your bond. My wife and I are currently seeing a great communication therapist who is helping us try and communicate better. Thanks for having the inner strength to post that.

Dan from Seattle.