(Lunchtime. The Palinode and The Lotus are separated by their respective cross-town offices. One of them makes the foolish decision to phone the other.)
Lotus: There was a fire at my work today.
Palinode: Are you burned beyond recognition yet?
Lotus: No. (Pause) It was in one of the apartments in the upper floors. Someone was cooking mushy peas.
Palinode: Mushy peas! Why, those are highly flammable.
Lotus: They are.
Palinode: They're highly inflammable, actually.
Lotus: Also true!
Palinode: In-cen-di-ar-y. (Pause, and then with great vigor) IN-CEN-DI-
Lotus: Yes, I get it. They catch fire.
Palinode: Explosively. Mushy peas are dangerous. In fact, the primary reason for the shift from fish-and-chip restaurants to curry houses in Britain can be attributed to a string of mushy pea explosions across the UK.
Palinode: When I ate mushy peas with my fish and chips in Hull, everyone wore protective suits with rebreather apparatuses and I had to sign a waiver. In it I promised not to take out my rage or burnt areas on the Queen in the event of an unstable mushy pea mass going off.
Lotus: You were so brave.
Palinode: I may have won a medal over there. Or an ass-kicking.
Lotus: You certainly deserved one of those.