I used to think that the cat stepped on my throat every morning to get another helping of food and water. Now I see that food and water are incidental. The main purpose of having my throat stepped on in the morning by precise little paws is to bear witness as the cat rips books off shelves, knocks over plants and yowls like it's caught in a fan belt. Look at me! The tumor's really pressing on my adrenal gland this morning! You took my testicles but you can't take away my tumor!
In the rumble-and-thump tattoo of cats, I think he's singing to us: The way I chew the plants/ The way I yowl at three/ The way I sniff your pants/ Oh no you can't take that away from me (THUMP! CRASH! YOWL!) Oh yeah, the way my poop just stinks/ The way I dig with glee/ And when I spill your drinks/ You can't take that away from me/ Yes, you took my balls but not these things from me etc.
Thanks folks, you been great. Great crowd this morning, hey? My name's Oskar, I'll be up on the windowsill for the rest of the day. Try the spider plant.