First, I'd like to thank Finslippy for linking to me and my talented wife Schmutzie, but I'm a little concerned with the excerpt that shows, to a giant chunk of the blogobunch, that I am the kind of guy that throws his garbage into his wife's bath. As you can readily guess, no such thing happened. What loving husband would toss out the trash into the tub? Here's what really went on:
Lazy lazy afternoon. Schmutzie in the bath. Palinode passes by, holding an apple core. He wants nothing more than to dispose of his core in a socially responsible manner.
Schmutzie: Hey you...
Schmutz: Can you come in here for a second?
Pal: I have to throw out this apple core. It's very important.
S: Come in here first.
P: I was about to phone the community garden and see if they needed this apple core for composting. They're closing in ten minutes and if I don't get this core into their compost in time, the food bank may not have enough fresh corn and tomatoes to feed the starving children of the city. Whatever you need from me, weigh it first against the needs of the starving children.
S: Let's not disappoint the social Darwinists. Come in here.
P: But -
S: And bring that apple core in here.
P: Okay, here I am.
S: Good, now throw the apple core in my bath.
P: What? That's crazy.
S: Don't ask questions, just throw it in.
P: I don't know why you want this, but I can't be a part of it.
Schmutzie sits up in the bath and bats the apple core out of Palinode's hand. The old brown remnant of fruit lands in the water with a sodden splash.
S: Now that's what I'm talking about.
P: Oh my god. runs out of room.
P: (from next room) Hello? Community Gardens? I can't bring the apple core in. Will the children be alright? Will they - Oh good lord. I'm so sorry.
S: Well, I got my bit of trash. That's what counts.
She runs a bit more hot water. The core bobs and swirls under the stream, eliciting a high-pitched titter from Schmutzie. A howl of socially responsible activist despair arises from the next room.
Okay, so I set the record straight. Next up, people have been reporting troubles with their gander (see last entry, in which I do not suggest but simply advise people on the use of ganders in analysis and argument). As this confusing image may or may not demonstrate, ganders are highly prized creatures:
The lesson to be drawn from this is that ganders are so rare, so valuable, that even artificial ones can inspire incomprehensible sports contests. So don't complain if your gander is giving you trouble. Just be thankful.