the perils of speaking out loud II, or the perils of even listening

After a conversation I overheard in a coffee shop today, I'm pretty sure that the aliens have landed and now walk among us, attempting to learn our ways in order to conquer us. Or in order to order a cup of coffee.



Server (Earthling): What would you like?

Customer (clearly a green tentacled alien stuffed into a human suit): Uh yeah. I'll uh... Americanus doublo... Americano?

Server: You'd like an Americano?

Customer: Yeah, what's that?

Server: It's a cup of coffee with a shot of espresso in it.

Customer: (extending tentacle sensor, hurriedly retracting it): Yeah, okay. What's the double?

Server: That's two shots of espresso.

Customer: Oh, I see.

Server: So, a double Americano?

Customer: Well, I'd like the espresso, but I don't think I have time for the coffee... (N.B. - none of this dialogue is made up) so I guess I'll have one to go.

Server: A double Americano to go?

Customer: Do you think I have time to drink it inside?

Server: (somehow intuiting actual meaning behind near-phatic question, holding up mug) We serve it in a cup this size, so if you're in a hurry you'll want to get it in a to-go cup.

Customer: (mulls it over, establishes neural link with mothership, reaches decision) Oh, I don't have time for that. Maybe I'll get a double espresso for inside.



Perhaps this conversation isn't as strange as I'm making it to be. It certainly seems like a long way round to get a double espresso. Perhaps he was not an alien but some kind of Caffeine Hunter attempting to outsmart his drink.



Outside I heard this conversation:



Dude A: Dude [B], look at this motherfucker. Take a look at this fucking motherfucker!

Dude B [to Dude C, the fucking motherfucker]: Fuck, motherfucker. Fuck. What the fuck's happening?

Dude C, "the fucking motherfucker": Fuck, dude, I don't fucking know. Fuck's happening with you, motherfucker?



I don't know those guys get organized. They all seem to have the same name.